🧞‍♂️ I did my first ketamine therapy; here's how it went

A few months ago, I promised to chronicle my journey with ketamine therapy; and now, here we are!

Loyal readers will remember that I chose Peak as my provider, simply due to cost. All other factors seemed like-kind, and I didn’t want to sign up for a $1,000+ commitment at the time.

After my initial consultations and receiving the medication, I received the following email, with the subject line “Peak is Closing its Doors”:

😳😳😳😳😳

What does it all mean?

To be totally transparent, I was already nervous to try ketamine. So when my company of choice decided to roll up its doors, I had some obvious burning questions:

• Did they do something devious that led to this decision?

• Would I get ongoing support if I chose to go through the treatment anyway?

• Was the medication still safe?

I reached out to their support squad. Here’s what they said:

Not sure about the “obviously,” but the explanation got me comfy enough to continue.

The Prep

First off, I needed a sitter. I chose my brother. He’s a calm, deliberate kind of fellow, who has had his fair share of life experiences. He’s a high school teacher. He’s kind. Couldn’t think of a better partner to help ferry me through the experience.

Secondly, I needed a time slot that wasn’t filled with kid stuff. I have three boys, and they’re all six and under; that means weekends are full of soccer games, birthday parties, BBQs, random park stuff, events - you get the picture. I chose a relatively light Saturday, earmarked it on our family calendar, and held firm to that commitment.

(Btw, I think this part will be a major hurdle for parents to explore the nuances of psychedelic therapy - simply finding the time where you can be mentally compromised and not disrupt your family’s normal goings-on. I felt a little guilty, even. But I told myself I was doing it for my mental health, which was true, and that made me feel good about holding the space). 

I didn’t drink at all leading up to the experience, and I consumed less cannabis than normal. I wanted a clean slate. I wanted to feel the feeling, unspoiled by other intoxicants.

My family was hesitant but supportive. My wife gave me one last “are you sure this is something you want to do?” before I left, which rattled me a bit, but I muttered a super-confident “uh…yeah, love you” and headed out the door.

So after coaching a soccer game and attending another one, I took a shower, packed up my anti-nausea meds and the ketamine, I drove over to my brother’s place.

The Experience

I scoped out a good spot on my brother’s balcony - it looked comfy, with an Adirondack chair and some great sunshine.

I had journaled about my intentions before I went over. Some select bullet points:

• Understanding my anxiety and depression

• Understanding trauma from some childhood experiences

• Experiencing an enhanced sense of one-ness

On my brother’s recommendation, I did a ten-minute meditation before the experience. (I use the 1 Giant Mind app, which I highly recommend. It’s free).

When I was ready, I popped the ketamine tablet.

I followed the Peak instructions closely; I left the tablet in my mouth, no swallowing, for ten minutes. I could feel a light high on minute 7, and after I spit the remnants out of my mouth after minute 10, I was feeling a little goofy.

I popped my Airpods in with some calming piano music, strapped my sleep mask to my face, and sat back.

I was told the experience wouldn’t be heavy on the visuals; more gentle than a big dose of psilocybin, my therapist said, but perhaps with more dissociation.

About ten or fifteen minutes in, my attention turned to all of the wonderful things in my life. I felt an intense sense of gratitude about, specifically, my relationships. I felt as though a spotlight shone on each member of my family - my nuclear one first, then expanding outward. And with each spotlight, I smiled and basked in thanks.

I never left my body, and my internal monologue stayed intact throughout the experience. The best way to describe it was the deepest meditation I’ve ever had. It was utterly unencumbered by nagging thoughts; I sat with myself, and myself only. I am never able to get to that point on a normal day.

About thirty minutes in (I only know that because my piano track was 30 mins long and it restarted), I began to feel as though my hands were light, and lifting. I thought “Oh, this is different” and leaned into the feeling. It was an overwhelming sense of lightness, of happiness, of recognition that life itself is the gift, and all the worry associated with it just isn’t worth the time.

Pretty cool, huh?

I came down about 45 minutes after the dose, and I went inside. I journaled. Here are some snippets:

Pretty good list, huh?

Afterward

After journaling, we played MarioKart like we were 12.

The lightness lasted all day, and into the next. I slept like a baby. I was warned about a serotonin comedown about 3 days after; I felt it, but it wasn’t super painful or tough to deal with. I took some 5-HTP (at the recommendation of my therapist) and took some edibles at night.

Overall, I’m glad I did it. My vessel feels more open. My perspective shifted, too.

And that was the whole goal, after all.

📚 tl;dr

• I told you I would try ketamine therapy, and I did

• Peak is closing its doors, but I braved the adventure anyhow

• I felt intense gratitude during the experience, and even a little bit of dissociation

• My vessel feels open, and my perspective is different

• It is Friday